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"Mom, this might be my last chance to tell you I love you."

- A text from a high school student who was aboard the ferry that capsized today off South Korea’s southern coast. Four passengers were killed, 55 were injured and more than 280 are missing. (via latimes)

(via viva-la-grunge)

dogscan:

Okay no. Fucking no. You think your sandwich is cute with peanut butter and jelly hearts, fucker? Well you’ll change your mind once you put it together and try to eat it. First you’ll get a mouthful of just bread and disappointment, then when you take another bite your mouth will be assaulted by copious the amounts of sticky peanut butter and sugary jelly and there won’t be enough bread to save you from it. A sandwich like that is what failure tastes like. The pb and j may be shaped like hearts but there’s no love in that sandwich. It’s about balance. Life needs balance, and so does your fucking sandwich. You disgust me. Don’t talk to me until you know how to make a proper sandwich.

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
Cashier: Are you 18?
Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.

meladoodle:

prosecutorblackquill:

what if u woke up and ur fav fictional character was snuggled next to u and they were like “good morning”

nemo.. you cant be here.. your dad will be worried sick

(Source: anticrystalist, via partywithcupcakes)

hungarian:

if i don’t talk to myself who will

(via yoloboobs)

(Source: kirasyukimura, via mcavoyy)

youngvlcanoes:

manxverboard:

youngvlcanoes:

manxverboard:

youngvlcanoes:

manxverboard:

youngvlcanoes:

manxverboard:

youngvlcanoes:

youngvlcanoes:

Sup homos

I meant homies

No u didn’t

I just wanted to talk to my homies leave me alone:’(

R u saying i’m not ur homie?

yea

Nah man bye

it’s midnight go to sleep you weenie

Thanks for reminding me u think i dont know my time???????

clearly not u shud be asleep

(via yoloboobs)

jtotheizzoe:

bobak:

Amazing.

Phil is one Bad Astronomer. Love this.

(via edwardspoonhands)

(Source: chanoeys, via ohitsjustkim)

sassygaytardis:

microxcuts:

onlyfooling-myself:

dontplaywithme:

light-cream-cheese:

marauder-potter:

coconi:

hussieslips:

louiebonbon:

let’s not forget that ‘fandom’ is ’fanatic domain’ shortened

oh

#oh #I thought it was like #a kingdom of fans #huh

my life is a lie

#this is like when i found out unf meant universal noise of fucking #and not just someone saying unf

oh…

UNF IS AN ACRONYM!?!

image

WHAT IS HAPPENING

(via partywithcupcakes)